Well here I am, and I know some of you have missed me. It seems that as life has been happening over the last couple of months this cracked pot dropped her new habit of blogging. So, to catch everyone up...
When we left off my husband was looking for a new job. Praise the Lord, he has found one. He has been working for a while now and we are so thankful. However, being unemployed for a few months certainly makes a person take stock. God provided for us continually, and I think knowing that we didn't have a choice but to wait on Him made us more aware of His provisions. I know that God provides for me everyday, but how often are we waiting on him for our next meal, a rent payment, or even our survival. I think that often all the "stuff" we have gets in the way of seeing the blessings He gives us. I am thankful that God brought us through this patch so that I can see His provisions clearly.
What are the blessings God has given you that you may have overlooked?
Showing posts with label cracked pot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cracked pot. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Lacking Compassion
There are times during this journey of parenthood that leave me looking back wishing I had said or done things differently. Of course, this is life, we learn from our mistakes, right?!
Recently, God has been working on an area of my heart that I am needing some adjustments in. (Working on my plank, Matthew 7:3-5) This area has to do with compassion.
I am a fairly compassionate person however, I seem to loose touch with this compassion when my husband or children are ill. I tend to be a 'suck it up' type gal, and when others are ill around me and whiny, (see there I go) I tend to think they should do the same, suck it up. Of course, I do care for my family when they are ill, I just get a bad attitude.
God has been bringing this to my attention recently with the struggles we have been having with my son Noah. We are at point with is ADD issues that we need to adjust some things. (Growth spurts throw everything off) However, I have not been very compassionate regarding his struggle. My attitude has not been filled with grace, mercy, or compassion. Instead, I have been impatient, angry, and even hurtful with my words at times. As I talked with a friend yesterday about Noah's struggle I realized just how little compassion I had been showing him. Ouch! I thought to myself "How can a mother be so awful to her son!" Thankfully, God is showing me this so, I can correct it. I found this verse today and it seemed to fit where my mind was on this heart issue...
Isaiah 49:15
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
This is how I felt thinking about my attitude. How could I forget to be compassionate to my son?! I am beginning to realize that I have a selfish attitude. The problem is not so much that I forget to be compassionate, but that I am selfish. Taking care of others, especially my children, takes a lot of time, effort, and often every ounce of me. When I am completely tapped out (like with the recent ADD issues) if I am not leaning on God for strength, my ugliness and bad attitude start creeping out.
Parenting is hard work, and it is work that never, never, never, (did I say never) stops. I can only be the parent my children need if I am leaning on God for guidance, wisdom, and even my sanity! So, for now I am working on this 'plank' and have apologized to my son for my bad attitude.
I want to have the same compassion for others that God has for me. Thankfully, I can know that even when I am a less than perfect parent He will not forget me or my children.
Yep, working on my plank!
Recently, God has been working on an area of my heart that I am needing some adjustments in. (Working on my plank, Matthew 7:3-5) This area has to do with compassion.
I am a fairly compassionate person however, I seem to loose touch with this compassion when my husband or children are ill. I tend to be a 'suck it up' type gal, and when others are ill around me and whiny, (see there I go) I tend to think they should do the same, suck it up. Of course, I do care for my family when they are ill, I just get a bad attitude.
God has been bringing this to my attention recently with the struggles we have been having with my son Noah. We are at point with is ADD issues that we need to adjust some things. (Growth spurts throw everything off) However, I have not been very compassionate regarding his struggle. My attitude has not been filled with grace, mercy, or compassion. Instead, I have been impatient, angry, and even hurtful with my words at times. As I talked with a friend yesterday about Noah's struggle I realized just how little compassion I had been showing him. Ouch! I thought to myself "How can a mother be so awful to her son!" Thankfully, God is showing me this so, I can correct it. I found this verse today and it seemed to fit where my mind was on this heart issue...
Isaiah 49:15
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
This is how I felt thinking about my attitude. How could I forget to be compassionate to my son?! I am beginning to realize that I have a selfish attitude. The problem is not so much that I forget to be compassionate, but that I am selfish. Taking care of others, especially my children, takes a lot of time, effort, and often every ounce of me. When I am completely tapped out (like with the recent ADD issues) if I am not leaning on God for strength, my ugliness and bad attitude start creeping out.
Parenting is hard work, and it is work that never, never, never, (did I say never) stops. I can only be the parent my children need if I am leaning on God for guidance, wisdom, and even my sanity! So, for now I am working on this 'plank' and have apologized to my son for my bad attitude.
I want to have the same compassion for others that God has for me. Thankfully, I can know that even when I am a less than perfect parent He will not forget me or my children.
Yep, working on my plank!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Can you hear Him?
As a wife, mom, student, classroom mom, PTA member, and all the other various hats I wear I often have to take time out to hear God speaking. However, getting in that daily time can sometimes seem difficult and even impossible. Even when I do get in a daily devotional I find myself rushing through it, and checking my watch as I try to cram it into my schedule. I do not think that these quick glances at a few bible verses really defines 'listening' to God.
Over the summer we were having some family difficulties. Because of these difficulties I decided to pull back from the various things that I was volunteering for as well as areas I was serving in within our church. Little did I know, God was trying to get my attention. As I spent the summer not serving in any area, except with my family, I began to hear God clearer. I began to take more time reading my bible, praying, and listening. I realized that all to often I am doing, and doing, and doing when God wants me to simply stop and listen.
Over the summer we were having some family difficulties. Because of these difficulties I decided to pull back from the various things that I was volunteering for as well as areas I was serving in within our church. Little did I know, God was trying to get my attention. As I spent the summer not serving in any area, except with my family, I began to hear God clearer. I began to take more time reading my bible, praying, and listening. I realized that all to often I am doing, and doing, and doing when God wants me to simply stop and listen.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Back on track
I have been working on getting back on track in many areas of my life recently. First is making healthy choices, and using this blog to track those choices. (Weight Loss Wednesdays) Second is getting back into the daily cleaning routine that keeps my house in order. Third is taking the time to read my bible and pray daily.
However, as I have been getting back on track I have been wondering..."How did I get so off track in the first place?"
I have slowly started to get the answer to this question as I have been making changes to get back on track.
Each time I make a choice to keep going with the routines that I have in place, I set myself up to stay on track. However, on those "I don't feel like it" days this choice becomes harder.
So, the answer to how I got off track is choices! Yep, choices! In an early post I wrote about the choices I am making in regard to getting healthy. However, I have realized that each choice I make in any area in my life sets me up for success or failure with making the next choice. (I know I have been posting a lot about choices lately, but that is what is swirling in my head right now!)
On an "I don't feel like it day" if I make the choice to stay in my PJ's until noon (and this has happened on occasion) I know I will feel tired and not be very productive. However, if I make the choice to get up, shower, and get ready for the day I know I will feel better and be ready for action! This simple choice of getting ready for the day will set me up for making other choices throughout the day. Then at the end of the day I will look back and think, "Wow, I accomplished a lot today!" instead of "Wow, I didn't get anything done today!"
So, whether I am on track for meeting my goals or wondering where I went off course I know I can start making better choices to change my direction.
I am beginning to see how this works with getting healthy, keeping my house clean, and even my relationship with God. I am realizing that if any area in my life needs adjusted all it takes is making a different choice, a better choice, a choice that will lead me in the direction I want to be going. Then when I reach my goal and look back I will see how far I have come because of every single one of those choices.
However, as I have been getting back on track I have been wondering..."How did I get so off track in the first place?"
I have slowly started to get the answer to this question as I have been making changes to get back on track.
Each time I make a choice to keep going with the routines that I have in place, I set myself up to stay on track. However, on those "I don't feel like it" days this choice becomes harder.
So, the answer to how I got off track is choices! Yep, choices! In an early post I wrote about the choices I am making in regard to getting healthy. However, I have realized that each choice I make in any area in my life sets me up for success or failure with making the next choice. (I know I have been posting a lot about choices lately, but that is what is swirling in my head right now!)
On an "I don't feel like it day" if I make the choice to stay in my PJ's until noon (and this has happened on occasion) I know I will feel tired and not be very productive. However, if I make the choice to get up, shower, and get ready for the day I know I will feel better and be ready for action! This simple choice of getting ready for the day will set me up for making other choices throughout the day. Then at the end of the day I will look back and think, "Wow, I accomplished a lot today!" instead of "Wow, I didn't get anything done today!"
So, whether I am on track for meeting my goals or wondering where I went off course I know I can start making better choices to change my direction.
I am beginning to see how this works with getting healthy, keeping my house clean, and even my relationship with God. I am realizing that if any area in my life needs adjusted all it takes is making a different choice, a better choice, a choice that will lead me in the direction I want to be going. Then when I reach my goal and look back I will see how far I have come because of every single one of those choices.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Finals
Well, I am in the home stretch. At least for now...
I have taken it upon myself to pursue my degree in psychology. Yep, I'm gettin' smart! This week I have finals however, it is the last of the finals for my AA degree. So, kinda a big mile stone for me. I am excited to have come this far, and have been reflecting on why I started the journey in the first place.
My inspiration for starting the pursuit of my degree is my son Noah. We have been on an incredible journey because of some chemical imbalances that he suffers from. Our journey to find a diagnosis for him has been one full of trials, challenges, learning, and yes, some triumphs.
We have been seeking help from a psychologist/psychiatrist team since Noah was 3. Yep, 3! However, I am the type of person that likes to do my own research. Therefore, I have read just about everything I could get my hands on. So, when we went for his appointments I had plenty of questions and suggestions for the doctors. Noah is now at a place where he is able to be a kid and not worry as much about his challenges. Although, they still pop up we know how to handle them or at least have some good skills in place.
So, this led to some opportunities to speak at a few parenting and woman's groups regarding our journey with Noah. These opportunities fed into the passion I have for encouraging women and young mothers. Therefore, God was brewing and even stronger passion in me for encouraging other women with these speaking opportunities. (I love how God works our circumstances and passions into His plan for us.) I know that God has bigger plans and more opportunities for me to share and encourage other women. However, for now He has me working on gaining more knowledge!
Which brings me to the journey I am currently on. I had never gone to college before and was very nervous. However, as I look back at the last 18 months I chuckle at that thought. This week is the last week for my AA degree. Woohoo! (I am so proud of me!)
I will have a 2 week break and then begin working on my BS in psychology! (But lets just focus on the 2 week break!) Yay, ME!!
I have taken it upon myself to pursue my degree in psychology. Yep, I'm gettin' smart! This week I have finals however, it is the last of the finals for my AA degree. So, kinda a big mile stone for me. I am excited to have come this far, and have been reflecting on why I started the journey in the first place.
My inspiration for starting the pursuit of my degree is my son Noah. We have been on an incredible journey because of some chemical imbalances that he suffers from. Our journey to find a diagnosis for him has been one full of trials, challenges, learning, and yes, some triumphs.
We have been seeking help from a psychologist/psychiatrist team since Noah was 3. Yep, 3! However, I am the type of person that likes to do my own research. Therefore, I have read just about everything I could get my hands on. So, when we went for his appointments I had plenty of questions and suggestions for the doctors. Noah is now at a place where he is able to be a kid and not worry as much about his challenges. Although, they still pop up we know how to handle them or at least have some good skills in place.
So, this led to some opportunities to speak at a few parenting and woman's groups regarding our journey with Noah. These opportunities fed into the passion I have for encouraging women and young mothers. Therefore, God was brewing and even stronger passion in me for encouraging other women with these speaking opportunities. (I love how God works our circumstances and passions into His plan for us.) I know that God has bigger plans and more opportunities for me to share and encourage other women. However, for now He has me working on gaining more knowledge!
Which brings me to the journey I am currently on. I had never gone to college before and was very nervous. However, as I look back at the last 18 months I chuckle at that thought. This week is the last week for my AA degree. Woohoo! (I am so proud of me!)
I will have a 2 week break and then begin working on my BS in psychology! (But lets just focus on the 2 week break!) Yay, ME!!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
I believe
One of my favorite Christmas movies is 'Miracle on 34th Street' the old version. At the end of the movie the little girl is so disappointed that Santa didn't get her what she wanted that she is convinced he doesn't exists. However, her mother tries to convince her otherwise. As they drive home she is sitting in the car repeating..."I believe, I believe, it's stupid but I believe." All the while feeling depressed and let down.
There are so many times within my Christian walk that I can relate to this little girl. This is exactly how I have been feeling the last couple of days. I know that God's timing is not restricted to my ideas of what His timing should be. I also know that God has His best in mind for me. I also know that He loves me. However, I still fall short on faith and find myself muttering, "God I want to believe, I believe, help me believe!"
In the book of Mark chapter 9 there is a story of a father who comes to Jesus asking "if" Jesus could heal his son. In verse 23 Jesus says to him..."Everything is possible to him who believes." The father then says in verse 24..."I do believe; Help me overcome my unbelief!" That has been my very pray these last few weeks. "God help me overcome my unbelief!" So often I loose hope, give up trusting, and fall short on faith.
However, today God has been reminding me of His love for me. Reminding me the He has my best in mind, that I can trust Him, and that even the little faith that I have on days like today is enough. It has been as though He has been whispering sweet little love notes to me all day.
I thought I would share some of the verses He has been reminding me of today!
Romans 8:28 (NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Phil. 1:6 (NIV)
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Eph. 2:10 (NIV)
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Phil. 4:12-13 (NIV)
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Dear Lord,
Help me overcome my unbelief! Help me to be content to wait for the provisions You have set out for me! Thank you for loving me even when my faith wavers! Thank you for reminding me today of the love you have for me!
There are so many times within my Christian walk that I can relate to this little girl. This is exactly how I have been feeling the last couple of days. I know that God's timing is not restricted to my ideas of what His timing should be. I also know that God has His best in mind for me. I also know that He loves me. However, I still fall short on faith and find myself muttering, "God I want to believe, I believe, help me believe!"
In the book of Mark chapter 9 there is a story of a father who comes to Jesus asking "if" Jesus could heal his son. In verse 23 Jesus says to him..."Everything is possible to him who believes." The father then says in verse 24..."I do believe; Help me overcome my unbelief!" That has been my very pray these last few weeks. "God help me overcome my unbelief!" So often I loose hope, give up trusting, and fall short on faith.
However, today God has been reminding me of His love for me. Reminding me the He has my best in mind, that I can trust Him, and that even the little faith that I have on days like today is enough. It has been as though He has been whispering sweet little love notes to me all day.
I thought I would share some of the verses He has been reminding me of today!
Romans 8:28 (NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Phil. 1:6 (NIV)
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Eph. 2:10 (NIV)
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Phil. 4:12-13 (NIV)
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Dear Lord,
Help me overcome my unbelief! Help me to be content to wait for the provisions You have set out for me! Thank you for loving me even when my faith wavers! Thank you for reminding me today of the love you have for me!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Look sparkly!!
Well, now that we are back on a week that Monday feels like Monday, instead of Tuesday feeling like Monday, I think I am back on schedule. At least there is hope!
I realized last week in trying to keep up with the days feeling off...I get distracted easily. Okay, for those of you that know me BIG surprise, I know. However, I have used this little epiphany to my advantage. I will often be doing something and have a thought of "Oh, I should write that down for my blog." Then I do not write it down and the thought is gone. (Bye, bye thought) By the time I sit down to write here I am completely blank.
Look sparkly! What was I writing about...
Oh writing, right! Anyway I have started keeping a notebook with me to write down these little tidbits as they come to me! Brilliant, right? I know not rocket science, but brilliance in it's own right.
This new idea of writing ideas down all the time will come in handy as I prepare for my finals this week and next. I am excited for the ideas to start flowing!
In the meantime...Things I like that are sparkly!
Stars
Sun
sequins
metallic shoes (or bags, or bags and shoes that match, sparkly, or shoes with jewels, Oh and bags with buckles, or buttons, Oh wait the list...)
jewelery
Diamonds (I like fake ones too, they are just as sparkly, I think they are sometimes more sparkly, right the list...)
Moonlight on the water
My boys eyes
Sale signs (okay not sparkly for everyone, but in my world...SPARKLY!!! And Clearance Signs, put on your shades people!!!)
Well, I could go on but I am trying to remember what else I have to do today...
Now where did I put that notebook? Ooooo, look a sparkly!
I realized last week in trying to keep up with the days feeling off...I get distracted easily. Okay, for those of you that know me BIG surprise, I know. However, I have used this little epiphany to my advantage. I will often be doing something and have a thought of "Oh, I should write that down for my blog." Then I do not write it down and the thought is gone. (Bye, bye thought) By the time I sit down to write here I am completely blank.
Look sparkly! What was I writing about...
Oh writing, right! Anyway I have started keeping a notebook with me to write down these little tidbits as they come to me! Brilliant, right? I know not rocket science, but brilliance in it's own right.
This new idea of writing ideas down all the time will come in handy as I prepare for my finals this week and next. I am excited for the ideas to start flowing!
In the meantime...Things I like that are sparkly!
Stars
Sun
sequins
metallic shoes (or bags, or bags and shoes that match, sparkly, or shoes with jewels, Oh and bags with buckles, or buttons, Oh wait the list...)
jewelery
Diamonds (I like fake ones too, they are just as sparkly, I think they are sometimes more sparkly, right the list...)
Moonlight on the water
My boys eyes
Sale signs (okay not sparkly for everyone, but in my world...SPARKLY!!! And Clearance Signs, put on your shades people!!!)
Well, I could go on but I am trying to remember what else I have to do today...
Now where did I put that notebook? Ooooo, look a sparkly!
Monday, August 31, 2009
I can do this!
Have you ever started something with all the best intentions of finishing and fall short of the finish line? I know that I have many times. I recently was reminded of this verse in Hebrews...
Heb. 12:11
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
This verse seemed to strike a cord and I realized that I need to work on being disciplined. I recently started this blog and have had the intention of writing here everyday. Well, if you take a look at my posts you will see that I have not been diligent in this.
Another area, and stand back for this one, is my diet. I have struggled with my weight most of my life, and within the past year I have lost 50 lb. (Yay, me!) However, I have let go of my discipline in this area and have gained a little back.
While I am airing my dirty laundry here...well, yep, that's another one. I have not been very disciplined with the house work. (Pretty bad when no one has clean undies! YIKES!)
I could go on and on with areas in my life that I am lacking discipline or have left a project undone. However, what this verse made me realize is that discipline is making a choice. Making a choice to finish what I start and follow through even when the task is tough, even when I don't feel like it, and even when the task seems impossible. (That laundry mountain just keeps getting bigger!)
So, I am planning on starting with this blog. I am going to blog each day even if it is just a few words. I may even come up with some witty daily titles like...
Weight Loss Wednesdays! Yep, not only will I be working on my blog but I will be working on my discipline with my weight loss. My Wednesday posts may contain a healthy recipe, a triumph (or struggle) in my journey, or even an exercise tip.
As for the laundry...well, I will make the trek to the top of Mt. Laundry and although I may never reach the top (That's what happens when you have boys who play sports!) I will have the comfort in knowing my family has clean undies! ;)
So, is there some area that you may be lacking in discipline? Let's pray for each other that we will seek out discipline and reap the "harvest of righteousness and peace" as the verse says!
Heb. 12:11
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
This verse seemed to strike a cord and I realized that I need to work on being disciplined. I recently started this blog and have had the intention of writing here everyday. Well, if you take a look at my posts you will see that I have not been diligent in this.
Another area, and stand back for this one, is my diet. I have struggled with my weight most of my life, and within the past year I have lost 50 lb. (Yay, me!) However, I have let go of my discipline in this area and have gained a little back.
While I am airing my dirty laundry here...well, yep, that's another one. I have not been very disciplined with the house work. (Pretty bad when no one has clean undies! YIKES!)
I could go on and on with areas in my life that I am lacking discipline or have left a project undone. However, what this verse made me realize is that discipline is making a choice. Making a choice to finish what I start and follow through even when the task is tough, even when I don't feel like it, and even when the task seems impossible. (That laundry mountain just keeps getting bigger!)
So, I am planning on starting with this blog. I am going to blog each day even if it is just a few words. I may even come up with some witty daily titles like...
Weight Loss Wednesdays! Yep, not only will I be working on my blog but I will be working on my discipline with my weight loss. My Wednesday posts may contain a healthy recipe, a triumph (or struggle) in my journey, or even an exercise tip.
As for the laundry...well, I will make the trek to the top of Mt. Laundry and although I may never reach the top (That's what happens when you have boys who play sports!) I will have the comfort in knowing my family has clean undies! ;)
So, is there some area that you may be lacking in discipline? Let's pray for each other that we will seek out discipline and reap the "harvest of righteousness and peace" as the verse says!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I don't like to cry
Crying is not one of my favorite pastimes. Of course, I don't know many people who actually enjoy crying. I use to be one of those people who would never cry, at least I never let anyone see me cry. I grew up being taught that crying showed weakness. However, through marriage and becoming a mom God has softened my heart and now I seem to cry at everything. (Yes, I cry at the Hallmark commercials) Although, I still do not like for people to see me cry I now think very differently about what crying is all about.
Today my 7 year old Michael had a very long crying episode. His feelings had been hurt and the tears just would not stop coming. He is a little boy that loves with all he is, and I love that about him. So, during this weeping he sat on my lap and just let the tears flow. He is not a cuddly child, he is an on the go child so, I knew when he crawled onto my lap we were going to be here a while. After 20 minutes Brian took Michael onto his lap and the tears continued. As I watched my husband holding Michael and listened to him saying it was okay to let the feelings out, tears came to my own eyes.
This brings me back to my thoughts on crying. I had a heart that had been hurt over and over again, and I never let the feelings of that hurt out. Therefore, my heart started to become hard and emotionless. I envision it as if my heart had a dark thick coating of mud on it from holding on to years of hurt. Each time I would be hurt another layer would be added growing thicker and harder to the point that I didn't feel the hurts anymore. However, because of these layers and layers of hardened hurts on my heart I was not able to let anything into my heart either. My heart became covered, hardened, and protected (or so I thought) from any hurts that came my way.
The layers on my heart seemed to protect me from feeling hurt. However, I didn't realize that at the same time I was not able to feel other emotions; joy, love, compassion, etc. After Brian and I were married God started to show me this through many, many, many tears. Years of tears that had been packed away and not allowed to pour started to make their way out. I have been very blessed to have a wonderful, loving husband, and God used our marriage to break through the layers of hardened hurts around my heart. As I began to feel love the layers of hurts began to crack and not only was love getting in, but all those years of hurts started to flow out in the form of tears.
Because of this beautiful transformation that God has taken me through I see crying in a whole different way. As my precious little boy sat there feeling the hurt and letting the tears flow I explained to him how I see tears...
A heart that feels love will also feel hurts. However, when those hurts come and fling mud at our hearts God sends our tears to wash away the mud and to wash away the hurt. Yes, we will still feel the pain of the hurt however, once the tears have flowed our hearts can begin to heal. A heart that is allowed to heal is a heart that will continue to feel God's love, and is a heart that will truly be protected.
And yes, I am typing this through tears...cleansing, healing, wonderful tears!
Job 16: 19-21
Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. My friends treat me with scorn, as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend.
Today my 7 year old Michael had a very long crying episode. His feelings had been hurt and the tears just would not stop coming. He is a little boy that loves with all he is, and I love that about him. So, during this weeping he sat on my lap and just let the tears flow. He is not a cuddly child, he is an on the go child so, I knew when he crawled onto my lap we were going to be here a while. After 20 minutes Brian took Michael onto his lap and the tears continued. As I watched my husband holding Michael and listened to him saying it was okay to let the feelings out, tears came to my own eyes.
This brings me back to my thoughts on crying. I had a heart that had been hurt over and over again, and I never let the feelings of that hurt out. Therefore, my heart started to become hard and emotionless. I envision it as if my heart had a dark thick coating of mud on it from holding on to years of hurt. Each time I would be hurt another layer would be added growing thicker and harder to the point that I didn't feel the hurts anymore. However, because of these layers and layers of hardened hurts on my heart I was not able to let anything into my heart either. My heart became covered, hardened, and protected (or so I thought) from any hurts that came my way.
The layers on my heart seemed to protect me from feeling hurt. However, I didn't realize that at the same time I was not able to feel other emotions; joy, love, compassion, etc. After Brian and I were married God started to show me this through many, many, many tears. Years of tears that had been packed away and not allowed to pour started to make their way out. I have been very blessed to have a wonderful, loving husband, and God used our marriage to break through the layers of hardened hurts around my heart. As I began to feel love the layers of hurts began to crack and not only was love getting in, but all those years of hurts started to flow out in the form of tears.
Because of this beautiful transformation that God has taken me through I see crying in a whole different way. As my precious little boy sat there feeling the hurt and letting the tears flow I explained to him how I see tears...
A heart that feels love will also feel hurts. However, when those hurts come and fling mud at our hearts God sends our tears to wash away the mud and to wash away the hurt. Yes, we will still feel the pain of the hurt however, once the tears have flowed our hearts can begin to heal. A heart that is allowed to heal is a heart that will continue to feel God's love, and is a heart that will truly be protected.
And yes, I am typing this through tears...cleansing, healing, wonderful tears!
Job 16: 19-21
Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. My friends treat me with scorn, as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Here we go...
Well, after much thought and consideration I have started a blog. I often have a lot to say so I guess I might as well put it out there.
As my title says I am a cracked pot letting God hold it together. I sometimes think about all the work God has to go through picking up my pieces as I go through life cracked and broken. I will be sharing my adventures as a cracked pot here on this blog. I know there are many other cracked pots out there and together we can help each other focus on the One who loves us to pieces!
Psalm 34:17-19
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all.
As my title says I am a cracked pot letting God hold it together. I sometimes think about all the work God has to go through picking up my pieces as I go through life cracked and broken. I will be sharing my adventures as a cracked pot here on this blog. I know there are many other cracked pots out there and together we can help each other focus on the One who loves us to pieces!
Psalm 34:17-19
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)